Insecure

So, I'm feeling very insecure about my life recently. I am in my last semester of college. And I am suddenly insecure. What if's seem to fill my head.

What if I don't get in to grad school?
What if I can't get a job?
What if I'm stuck in Omaha doing "volunteer" work for the rest of my career?
While I realize that occasionally stage managers get paid in community theatre, it usually isn't much/enough.

My thoughts are continually revolving around will I get in to grad school?? What if I don't???
While I do have a back up plan, I am still nervous. I am insecure.

My back up plan is to go back to the local community for yet another associates degree and to work with the local community theatre as an intern. And, of course, apply again to grad schools next year.

I am not comfortable with insecure. I am the one who planned out exactly what classes I was taking each and every semester years in advance. And updated it every semester.

I am not comfortable not knowing. I am not comfortable waiting. I have a huge calendar that I plan everything out in for months and sometimes up to a year in advance.

Spur of the moment is not possible for me. I am not comfortable not knowing what I am doing, when, and where in advance.

I am insecure. And I am NOT happy about it.